Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Hamburger Nuggets

I have no hard evidence to support this idea, but it seems to me that the chicken nugget is the preferred kid's meal entree in all of the finer fast food outlets. Call them nuggets, mc nuggets, strips, tenders of fries, it appears that children like chicken.

This, I believe, is an attack on the American way. We are beef people. We eat steak, roast beef, meat loaf and hamburgers. This is the country where you can get a product called Hamburger Helper. In fact, I challenge any reader to buy a box of said product without singing the jingle. "Hamburger Helper helps your hamburger helper make a great meal."

This is why we must do everything that we can to stop this insidious Al-Qaeda plot. Here are a few suggestions for our "Save American Values" plan.
  1. Never again order chicken products in a fast food place. (Exceptions can be made if you are at KFC, Chick-Fil-A, Chicken Coop, Lee's or Famous Recipe.)
  2. Speak to children about the dangers of undercooked chicken, salmonella poisoning and inhumane treatment of chickens on factory farms.
  3. Encourage the development of a hamburger nugget.
The hamburger nugget is the most important part of the plan. The chicken nugget has become so popular for several reasons. First of all, there is the perception that chicken is healthier than beef. This may be true except that I am skeptical of the grease that the chicken is fried in. Secondly, the nugget is made exactly for the fingers of children. Thirdly, the marriage of the nugget to the dipping sauce is a stroke of genius. Children get to eat, get to be active and work on an art project simultaneously.

Here is what we need. Someone needs to develop a practical hamburger nugget. The nugget could have a light breading on it and be deep-fried. There would necessarily be a variety of dips available for burger nuggets. Ketchup and mustard are no-brainers, but there could also be relish, barbecue, horseradish and mayonnaise.

When we get children addicted to burgers, we will be assured of saving our nation.

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