Love and Marriage??

I just read an article about Randy and Paula White. http://charismamag.com/display.php?id=15932 The Whites are somewhat famous as televangelists. He is founder and pastor of Without Walls Church in Tampa, Florida. She is on television all the time. They are a handsome couple who give the appearance of having it all together. But now the truth comes out. They do not have it all together. In fact, they are falling apart.

Their divorce announcement is not so shocking in light of some other facts. Although they co-pastor the church in Tampa, Mrs White keeps homes in New York City, San Antonio, Texas and California. And although he is married, Mr White has been seen publicly with women who are not his wife. And now we learn that both of them, Mr and Mrs White, have been married before. Now that they have failed marriage number 2 (for each of them), does that make them more likely to divorce again (and again)?

This article is not intended to be a condemnation of televangelists (although the Whites certainly give us a lot of material in the area), nor do I intend to pass judgment on who is right or wrong (although it seems that there is a lot of wrong and not very much right in this situation). I am tempted to write about the need for accountability and discipline where two people seem to think that they can do whatever they want. But instead of being negative, I want to offer hope.

I believe that there are certain steps that every married couple can take to avoid the problems that have plagued the Whites and so many others. Every marriage can be saved if both parties in the marriage will take their vows seriously.

1. Make decisions to not be tempted, to not succumb to temptation and to be faithful, before temptations come. Although this seems terribly naive, it can have a powerful preventive effect. I know before passion begins that there is no future in it. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, after all.
2. Every couple who gets married should believe the vows that they speak. Although commitment is very difficult, if you promise to stay married until you die, you should stay married until you die. There are definitely times when getting out of a marriage would be easier, but a commitment before God is a commitment before God.
3. Follow God's Word. The Bible is very clear at this point. Divorce is sin. Do what God tells you to do. Maintaining your marriage and being faithful in it is a simple act of obedience.
4. Never spend time alone with a person of the opposite sex who is not related to you. Sin cannot happen if you give no place to temptation. Take precautions to prevent temptation. There are enough temptations in this world without looking for them.
5. Confess to your spouse when you are tempted. I do this on a regular basis. I let my wife know when I encounter an attractive woman. In this way I am not keeping secrets from her. My temptations, my faults, become a little more public. I become a little more accountable, and a lot less likely to stumble.
6. Make yourself unavailable for members of the opposite sex. What I mean is, let it be known to your friends, your co-workers and others that you are not interested in any extra-marital activities. I regularly tell my congregation how much I love my wife. In this way I let everyone know that I want to maintain my marriage.
7. Outline rules for arguing within your marriage. Every couple deals with disagreements. You cannot pretend that you do not argue. But you can set up some ground rules for 'fair play' in your fights. For example, my wife and I are so committed to our marriage that we can never threaten to divorce in the heat of a disagreement. We don't mean it, so we won't say it.
8. Put your partner first. Always be sensitive to the needs, desires and hurts of your spouse. His/her life and success should be more important to you than your own.

None of these are a guarantee for the happiness of your marriage, but these steps will help to maintain health and longevity. These things would not have hurt the Whites.