My Kids

So, my only child has completed her first semester of college. She did pretty well overall. Academically there is room for improvement. Socially she made the transition to independence exceedingly well. From the time Molly was born I believed that when she moved away my life would get simpler. I thought that I would lose interest in young people. I would get too old and out of touch to understand them, or for them to understand or be interested in me. I was wrong.

I have always had an interest in young people. (By young people I mean those who are in their teen years all the way through young adulthood.) There have been many young people that have been important to me- and I pray I was important to them- throughout my life. These people have become like my own children. Many of them I stay in touch with to this day.

These kids- "My Kids," I call them- have all responded to my life, ministry and teaching in positive ways. Additionally, they have all been young people that I liked, and like, very much. I could make a list of them, but I am sure that I cannot faithfully do that. Someone would be offended that I included them on my list, and someone else would be hurt that they were left off. There is no way I can win at that point.

However, I can list some common traits of these people, and our relationships.

• Everyone of my kids has been a part of my leadership life. That is, I have had the honor of being a "discipler" if you will. I was in a place of authority and they willingly followed.
• Everyone of my kids is still very important to me. I love them. There is not a one of them that I would hesitate to call in a time of need.
• They are or have been involved in my life beyond our "professional" experiences. Life has been shared.
• I love my kids. My kids love me.
• There is great respect between us.

So far there are about 12 of these special kids. I am always on the lookout for number 13.

Growing Up?? Too Fast??

It started with Annette Funicello in the 1950s. I wasn't there to see it, but I believe that it did happen. In recent years (months) we have watched the rise and subsequent disintegration of teen pop icons Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Amy Winehouse, Nicole Richie, Lindsey Lohan, R Kelly, Kanye West- do we need to go on to sports figures, political leaders, etc.?


Now we see a huge hubbub concerning some pictures of current tween queen Miley Cyrus. (You may know her as Hannah Montana.) There are photos of Miss Cyrus in the current issue of Vanity Fair magazine. Some of these photos include Miley with her father, country singer and television actor Billy Ray Cyrus. The furror is about what seems to be the sexually suggestive nature of some of the pictures. Some have said that they are completely inappropriate for a 15 year old girl. I have two thoughts. First of all, it is too bad that there is a whole generation of girls who will miss out on childhood. Secondly, the consequences of this tendency are frightening. If we dress 10 year olds like 16 year olds, we should expect 12 year olds to have unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases.

First of all, our culture glamorizes teen sexuality. We, whether we realize it or not, encourage children to grow up. We legitimize sexuality at younger and younger ages. Eight year old girls are wearing low rise pants and half shirts. They are piercing navels and being suggestive at earlier ages and in more situations. This is a tragedy. The great memories of life are of being children. If we push our young people into adulthood they will lose out on the greatest joys of life.

Finally, let's not get to worked up about the photos in question. Although you can read into them a tantalizing back-story, it is not necessary. You can look at a teen-age girl who seems to be recently finished with a sexual encounter, or you can see a young girl. Period.

I lament the state of our world. I am sad for what our culture is doing to young people, especially girls. But I am going to do everything I can to not further complicate the situation. I am going to give Miley Cyrus and her parents, and photographer Annie Liebovitz the benefit of the doubt. I am not going to see trash where I do not need to.

Honestly Uncomfortable- Juno

One of the most popular movies in America right now is a little film called Juno. The popularity of Juno seems unusual to me. There are no big stars. The story is not your typical teen fare. The main character, Juno, is a sixteen year old girl that becomes pregnant. The father of her child is her best friend, a geek that you would not expect to be the father of any one's baby. Paulie Bleeker, the father, is wonderful in his nerdiness. He is consumed with Juno and his high school cross country team. Paulie knows that he is in love, but Juno does not.

Juno's first inclination is to get an abortion. She decides against it, however, when she runs into a classmate protesting outside the abortion clinic and the receptionist inside turns out to be a self-absorbed, insensitive idiot. When Juno finds adoptive parents for her unborn child we get the idea that everything is going to be fine. But it is not. It turns out that the parents chosen for Juno's child have big problems of their own.

Jennifer Garner, the adoptive mother, is too perfect. Jason Bateman, her husband, is not committed to fatherhood, adoption, or even marriage for that matter. One thing leads to another and we have a disaster on our hands.

This is a really good film. I would not be surprised if it turns out to be one of my favorites for the year. But it did make me very uncomfortable. I was consistently squirming in my seat. I was not bothered by the topic. Teen promiscuity, pregnancy, abortion are all topics that I can handle emotionally. What bothered me the most was that Juno was so honest. I'm just not used to honesty in fictional film characters.

Juno has a disconcerting, matter-of-fact attitude about everything in her life. She seems oblivious to the crisis that she is in, but maintains her sense of humor. And all the time she tells it like it is. And at least initially, I didn't like it. But I didn't like it because she spoke the truth. She is young and optimistic, but also wise and realistic. Her language is authentic and somewhat base. Juno shocked me with the way she flippantly discussed sex, pregnancy, condoms, anatomy and more.

After a period of acclimation, I got used to Juno's earthiness. She grew on me. She was funny, one of the wittiest movies characters in a long time. Once I got around being shocked by her, I found Juno refreshingly honest.

In retrospect, it is interesting that I would be bothered by a character that tells the truth. After all, aren't we all supposed to be honest? Shouldn't we value truthfulness and honesty? It is a sad state of affairs when I find the most honest movie of seen in a long time to be the most uncomfortable. Oh well, maybe it's a good sign.

Spending Time with Kids

I have maintained for a long time that the best way to make a difference in the world, especially with teens, is to spend time with them. When you spend time with teens you can develop relationships with them and influence their lives in positive ways. To that end, I have developed this list of practical suggestions for spending time with teens.

• Learn to have conversations with people, especially young people. The most important part of a conversation is listening. Learn to be interested in what others have to say. Listen with your whole mind. Lead the conversation so that you are talking more about the other person than you are about yourself.
• Volunteer in ways that puts you in contact with kids. Help out at your local school, YMCA, Boy's Club, Scout Troop or church youth group.
• Attend school functions so that you get to know some young people. Plays, concerts and sporting events are obvious examples, but you can also inquire about having lunch at school, judging speech competitions helping in classrooms, etc.
• Develop a profile at Myspace.com. Many young people in your neighborhood are using this social networking website. You can become a friend to many people that you have never met. This will also give you new credibility when you have time with kids in other settings.
• Take a teen to lunch after church. Pick a youth from your church and have a meal with them. Talk to youth group leaders, youth pastors and Sunday school teachers for suggestions and guidelines.
• Watch MTV. Merely watching MTV will not get you in touch with kids, but knowing the culture and environment of teens will help you when you do spend time with kids.
• Hang out where kids hang out. If the teens in your town eat at Taco Bell, then you should learn to like Mexican food.

Make a difference in the world by reaching out to one teen at a time. Do not put it off. Everyone can do it. Do it right away.

The key to reaching teens

I was recently asked to summarize what it takes to reach teens in and for the church. I have a lot of ideas about youth ministry, but this query was for a quick summary. I know that all ministry theory and practice can be distilled down into a few simple platitudes, but the question had to do with what is most important. I was being asked for what I believe to be the most significant, the top priority, in student ministry. So, here it is.

To reach students, you must spend time with them.

There are no shortcuts. There are not three easy steps, or four essential practices. The single most important factor for any church, ministry or individual wishing to reach teens is to spend time with them. And, the most important part of time? Listen to what teens have to say, and be interested in them. We must get over thinking of reaching teens as a way to build our adult ministries. Jesus loves young people. We need to love them too.
So why is it so important that we spend time with teens?

• More and more young people come from single-parent homes. Positive relationships with parents are more rare than ever before.
• Even when both parents live with the teens, they are often too busy for quality family time. Economic pressures-whether real, imagined or invented- necessitate both parents working many hours.
• Schools are filled with teachers and coaches who are over-extended and too busy to have meaningful relationships with students. Continuing budget cuts will mean that even fewer students will benefit from these relationships in the future.
• The most meaningful relationships that teens have, those with their peers, are often driven by text messaging, instant messaging, cell phones and email. Personal contact and personal relationships are unusual.
• Teens spend their free time with ipod earbuds in their ears, closing out the world. Their influences include video games, the internet and movies on DVD. Personal contact is almost lost in many cases.
• The world of reality for teens is formed by Hollywood and Madison Avenue. The unrealistic world of supermodels, rappers, professional athletes and movie stars gives young people a yearning for normalcy.

There are no shortcuts. There is no easy way. To reach out to young people, do it via instant messaging, email, texting, etc., but do not let those 'cool' things replace a caring relationship based on time shared.