What I Learned in Kokomo

I spent three days last week with some teens from my church on a mission in Kokomo, Indiana. We were participating in programs sponsored by Kokomo Urban Outreach. (Check out the links in the left margin of this page.) There was a lot to do, a lot to learn, and a lot to absorb but it was an outstanding experience.

Our time in Kokomo was awesome. Just this morning I met with a part of our team and some other members of our youth group. It was an informal de-briefing session. The comments were overwhelmingly positive. The things that I hear over and over again are that the prayer walk was a new and moving experience, the Poverty Simulation Game was great fun and illustrated poverty in unexpected ways, and the time with neighborhood residents was very beneficial. The adults in our group were very impressed by the volunteers and especially the care that we received. We were comfortable, well-fed and cared for at every turn.

Most significant from our perspective was the change in outlook that many of the teens have had about poverty. They are now considering those who live in poverty in a completely new way. When before "poor people" were always far away and impersonal, now they have faces, names and personalities. Many of our teens have thought of poverty as an unfortunate choice that some people make, now they see that it is a little more complicated than that.

There were some things that I (and I think our whole group) learned during this experience.

• When you think you know everything, that is a sure sign that you do not. I started the experience with very few expectations, but I was sure that I would not be surprised. I was wrong. A couple of examples: In poverty, toilet paper is a luxury item. The systems established to assist those in poverty often serve only to humiliate and de-moralize.
• Young people are willing to work, and work hard, for a good cause. I did not see laziness or an attitude of trying to avoid labor among our group. They all worked hard and with a good spirit.
• Poverty is not really a choice. The perception, held by many in the middle class, that people could get out of poverty if they tried, is almost always untrue. Poverty is a system that keeps most from escaping. Health issues, mental illness, government bureaucracy and poverty itself conspire to hold onto poor people.
• There are enough needs that everyone can make a contribution. Each person can participate in assisting those in poverty.
• Education is the key to improving life.

I am ready to return to Kokomo. It was a great time and will get on my calendar on a regular basis. Not only that, but I believe that my daily life will change as I see poverty in a new way.

The Power of Youth

I love spending time with young people. Although it is often frustrating, disappointing, exhausting and aggravating, kids are good for me. Being around young people is generally good for me as well. I am energized by the times I get to be with them.

I have often said that kids either keep you young or make you old. I have felt both of those experiences at different times, but I keep investing in teens. I invest in their technology. I have a MySpace page and a Facebook site. I text message (to the best of my ability) several times a day. I try to listen to the music that teens listen to, watch their television programs and be informed about what they think is important in the world.

I place a high value on communicating with teens. I try to know their language, because it is different than adultspeak. I spend time with youth, just for the sake of spending time with them. I care about them and I want them to know that I care about them. As far as I am able, I will continue to value young people and my relationships with them indefinitely.

This is all important to me because of things that I have written before. It is important to reach out to young people. But in addition to that, I believe that there is power in youth. Of course our culture teaches us to long for youth. The cosmetic surgery industry is growing exponentially. Diet plans and cosmetics sell like hotcakes. Media conglomerates market everything to a youth market. In fact, the demographic that is most important is always younger than me. Cool people are always young. Everyone wants to be young, or act young, or look young.

But that is not the power that I refer to. Young people are powerful in a number of ways.

• Young people have power because they are naive. They are not old enough (or experienced enough) to realize how corrupt and negative the world is. That means that young adults often believe what they are told. They will give you the benefit of the doubt. They look at things in hopeful and positive ways.
• Young people are not bitter. They do not give up at the first sign of disappointment. They keep going, keep believing, keep trying. They always have hope that the next time will be the best.
• Young people have a lot of energy. They can keep going when the rest of us want to give up. They do not tire as easily. They bring new ideas and creativity to problems that the rest of us cannot solve.

I try to surround myself with young people because they bring so much to the table. They have so many assets to offer that I lost long ago. I want to re-capture my own youth, yes. But more importantly, I want to be sure that the youth of others is not wasted.

The Need for Parents

So, I watched the movie Running with Scissors, last week. It is based on the memoir of Augusten Burroughs. As an adolescent, Augusten's life was turned upside down. His mother, dealing with depression and other mental and emotional disorders, began to rely on various drugs for help and escape from what she perceived as her painful reality. Meanwhile, Augusten's father, an alcoholic who used his work and his drinking as an escape, left the family.

Eventually Augusten was sent to life with the family of his mother's psychologist, a family who can best be describes as wacky. Augusten's upbringing was colorful, to say the least. When he finally leaves his adopted 'home', we want to cheer. Finally, Augusten has the hope that something good can happen. Without the crazy grown-ups in his life, perhaps he can make some decent decisions about his future. What Augusten needed, all through his young life, was parents.

Here is something; the biggest need in the lives of every student of all ages is parents. Many of these young people have individuals in their lives who are technically their parents, but the need is for adults who take an active interest in their lives. This means that they need adults who care about them, talk to them, spend time with them and participate in their lives. This sometimes involves discipline, direction and decision-making with and on behalf of a child, teen or young adult.

Some examples:

• The group of adolescent girls at the mall wearing skirts that are too short and shirts that are too tight. These are the girls- at 10-14 years of age- who are advertising their bodies as objects for fantasy or sex. A parent needed to provide correction and direction before those girls left home in the morning.
• The young man who falls for a girl because he needs stability. Although she consistently causes difficulties and stress, she seems to care for him and need him, two emotions that he has never experienced before.
• The teen-aged girl who gives herself to a boy because he 'loves her.' She justifies her actions because no man has ever told her that he loved her. No father has ever told her that she was pretty.
• The 'jocks', boys and girls, who work too hard at their sport, have hopes that are too high for their future, who cheat in school to stay on the team, all because they hope their parents will pay attention to them if they excel at athletics.

The key to reaching teens

I was recently asked to summarize what it takes to reach teens in and for the church. I have a lot of ideas about youth ministry, but this query was for a quick summary. I know that all ministry theory and practice can be distilled down into a few simple platitudes, but the question had to do with what is most important. I was being asked for what I believe to be the most significant, the top priority, in student ministry. So, here it is.

To reach students, you must spend time with them.

There are no shortcuts. There are not three easy steps, or four essential practices. The single most important factor for any church, ministry or individual wishing to reach teens is to spend time with them. And, the most important part of time? Listen to what teens have to say, and be interested in them. We must get over thinking of reaching teens as a way to build our adult ministries. Jesus loves young people. We need to love them too.
So why is it so important that we spend time with teens?

• More and more young people come from single-parent homes. Positive relationships with parents are more rare than ever before.
• Even when both parents live with the teens, they are often too busy for quality family time. Economic pressures-whether real, imagined or invented- necessitate both parents working many hours.
• Schools are filled with teachers and coaches who are over-extended and too busy to have meaningful relationships with students. Continuing budget cuts will mean that even fewer students will benefit from these relationships in the future.
• The most meaningful relationships that teens have, those with their peers, are often driven by text messaging, instant messaging, cell phones and email. Personal contact and personal relationships are unusual.
• Teens spend their free time with ipod earbuds in their ears, closing out the world. Their influences include video games, the internet and movies on DVD. Personal contact is almost lost in many cases.
• The world of reality for teens is formed by Hollywood and Madison Avenue. The unrealistic world of supermodels, rappers, professional athletes and movie stars gives young people a yearning for normalcy.

There are no shortcuts. There is no easy way. To reach out to young people, do it via instant messaging, email, texting, etc., but do not let those 'cool' things replace a caring relationship based on time shared.