Preference or Prejudice, Part 2

This year we have had an exchange student living with us. Maarten is from the Netherlands, and very proud of that. At the end of the year his family, mother, father and sister, came to visit for the weekend. We had a wonderful time with them. It is always exciting for me to learn about another culture. This was especially good because Maarten's family turns out to be a group of wonderful people.

We talked. We learned. We played. We ate. There were three days in which we spent most all of our time together. But it was not always comfortable for me. I learned of ignorance in my own life. Ignorance that certainly makes it appear that my prejudices have made me a racist.

But here is the hard part: I don't believe that I have those prejudices. I plead ignorance completely. However, my ignorance, not realizing what I was doing, saying, believing, was offensive to my guests. For that I apologized and apologize.

My problem was that I did not realize how often we Americans refer to the Dutch in derogatory ways. I did it a couple of times without realizing, but there are so many other ways we do it. Here are some phrases that we use without even thinking about them. Everyone of them can be seen negatively.

• Double-Dutch- Although we may associate this with a jump rope game, it's origins come from a kind of double talk or gibberish. The jump rope game is called double dutch because the rhymes that are used are hard for the uninitiated to understand.
• Dutchy- People with speech impediments are sometimes referred to as dutchy.
• Dutch auction- This is a sale where prices are set to begin artificially high. The implication is that the Dutch are dishonest.
• Dutch treat, or going Dutch- Usually referred to on a date, this means that everyone pays their own way. This implies that the Dutch are cheap.
• Dutch uncle- A person who is painfully honest, sometimes harsh, is called a dutch uncle.

There are dozens more of these slanders, but you get the idea. These are phrases that we use regularly without even thinking about them. I did it because I never thought about it. I never realized that they could be offensive to anyone.

So now I realize that I must...

• Think about my language and attitudes. I can no longer be careless about my speech. Every word, phrase and thought needs to be carefully considered.
• Be proactive in changing my attitudes, even when I think I do not have attitudes.
• Research ways that I talk and think.
• Discover how I may be offensive to someone else.
• Encourage those around me to be thoughtful and considerate with their speech and attitudes as well.

The Boy in Striped Pajamas

This was one of the most heart-breaking movies that I have ever seen. I will try very hard to not divulge the gut-wrenching twists in the film, but the story put a face on the holocaust for me like nothing else has. It is a wonderful, terrible film.

To give you an idea of the impact of the film on me, I watched it two months ago. I have been meaning to write about it since then, but I have not been able to bring myself to. It was hard. It still is hard.

I have always had an interest in the holocaust. It was, and continues to be, one of the great tragedies in human history. It may be the greatest tragedy in history. It is nearly incomprehensible that so much evil can be expressed and acted on in such extreme ways. This entry is not about the holocaust, not even about a movie about the holocaust, but about a movie about a family who was impacted by the holocaust.

The Boy in Striped Pajamas is about the family of German officer who is transferred to the countryside. His children are protected from the fact that their father is the commander of a concentration camp. The "death" camp is barely visible from the sons room and it causes questions, explorations and changes to the boy, his family and ultimately their entire perspective on life.

As the parents try to protect their children from what they must believe to be an awful truth, we learn that issues are not so black and white. Those who hate others often struggle with their decisions and actions. Bruno, the son, begins to sneak off to explore the countryside, much to the consternation of his mother. Finally, Bruno meets and befriends a boy in the camp who wears pajamas all the time.

It would be easy to be distracted and put off by the production values of this film. It is a British production that sometimes look like a television movie. Do not give up on this film. I promise that it will make a difference in your life. You will be changed. If you are not deeply affected by this movie I will give back all the money you paid to read this blog.

Go rent The Boy in the Striped Pajamas right now.

Preference or Prejudice??

I heard someone say a profound thing the other day. "Everyone is prejudiced, but not everyone is a racist." I hope you caught the significance of that statement. We all have our ideas about the way people behave and live. There are some things that I prefer more than others. It does not necessarily follow that my prejudices will cause me to behave in a racist manner.


For example, if I am in a group of people where conversation is required, I usually tend to gravitate to women. I am more comfortable talking to women than I am to men. Conversation is easier with women. I have more in common with women than men (as a general rule). This does not mean that I do not like men, or that I cannot or will not talk to men. In fact, some of my best friends are men. I talk to them a lot. But when given the choice, I prefer to talk to women that I do not know rather than men I do not know. I have a prejudice toward men.


It would be helpful, I believe, to work on some definitions. These are my definitions and I hope that my intentions will become clear.

• Prejudice- An opinion, usually negative, about a person or subject based on no evidence or experience.
• Preference- To rank a person or group above another. This is often the consequence of a prejudice.
• Bigotry- A person who is fanatically committed to his own ideology and opposed to any that differs.
• Racism- The practice of being opposed to others and their beliefs based only on their ethnic heritage.

It is important that all humans, and especially those who follow Jesus, never allow their prejudices and preferences to become grounds for bigotry and racism. Recognize where you are prejudiced. Learn to see your preferences without letting them consume you and rule your life. Make allowances to ensure that you never become a bigot or racist.

One final thought: There are many times when ignorance becomes an obstacle to peaceful interaction among people. I will write more about this in a later post, but for now hear this warning: Ignorance about what offends someone else is no excuse. It is not acceptable to offend others with your ignorance. To the one offended it still seems like racism. It is racism.

Educate yourself. Learn where your prejudices are. Treat all others fairly and without preference.

The Race Conversation

I was watching a rerun episode of Seinfeld the other night when a lot of things came into focus for me. I saw my own prejudice, and of many others, come clearly into view. I saw perfectly the issues of race and conversation and how they have so far failed to come together.

But first, some context. Since Barack Obama appeared as a legitimate candidate for president there has been a mixture of excitement and dread among the "normal" thinking people in our country. We are excited about the fact that finally an African-American can run for, and become, President of the greatest nation in the world. There is dread because we know that there are dangers. Many, many people would love to see harm come to our president, some only because of his race.

Attorney General Eric Holder got into the fray a couple of weeks ago when he asserted that USA is a 'nation of cowards' because we have not had a good, positive and productive conversation about race. His assertion was that we are afraid to deal with hard issues and especially one that is so personal to so many.

Holder's comments set off a firestorm of controversy. Talking heads and pundits on the right and the left jumped into the fray. There were opinions spouted every which direction. I believe that most of the response was from embarrassment. People are embarrassed that Holder is right. We have not had these conversations. We are cowards. We are afraid of the truth.

The kernel of this problem, however, is not that we are afraid to deal with racism, but that we are so polite that we do not want to offend others. We want to be sure that what we say is not a problem to someone else. I take great pains to make sure that others do not think that I am a racist. Consequently, I never express my feelings. I do not get to give voice to my fears, anxieties and insecurities. Ultimately, my problems, as well as the problems of many others, are buried and never heard. 

We are a nation of cowards. I am a coward.

And so... Elaine and her boyfriend are sitting in a booth at Monk's Diner, the coffee shop. Elaine is excited because she believes that she is dating an African-American man. This makes her forward-thinking, cool and hip. However, she is not sure that he is African-American. The waitress comes to the table and congratulates the couple for their progressive thinking. It must be hard to be an interracial couple, she says.

That's when the truth comes out. Elaine gets excited because finally she has an excuse to pursue the ethnic heritage of her boyfriend, who, it turns out, is not black. However, he is relieved that he can finally talk about Elaine's 'Spanish' heritage. You see, he believes that he is dating an Hispanic woman. Of course, it turns out that they are both just ordinary, boring white people. 

At the end of this awkward scene Elaine says something that makes up in relevance what it lacks in profundity: "I don't think we should talk about this."

And that's where we are in America. When we are almost to the place where we can make progress on race relations, when we are about to have the conversation we get uncomfortable and change the subject.

It is time that we discussed 'the race card' and all it's implications... for everyone.

How to Say It??

I am tired, put off and irritated about racism and bigotry in my community, nation and world. It is exasperating to know that there are some people who are going to be opposed to moving forward because moving forward means a change in ethnic minority status. In just a few years white people will be a minority in America. In fact, for awhile at least, the predictions are that there will be no ethnic majority. The United States is finally become the 'melting pot' that we always thought it could be.

Here is where the racism comes in, however. There are many people, usually white people, who are threatened by any advance or change in the status quo. These people believe that by preserving old mores and values they are conserving American heritage for future generations. For them the ideal for America is English-speaking, white people with two children per family. They are mad that people speak Spanish (of Korean, Thai, Vietnamese, Arabic, German, etc.) in the USA. After all, they reason, this is America. We speak English here. (Never mind that America has no official language. All people and tongues are supposed to be welcomed.)

By holding on to the English language, they have convinced themselves that they are caring for American culture. However, I contend that there is no "American culture," at least in the sense that we may want to think of it. America is the place that has given us fast food and the chain department store. These economic powerhouses have learned that they need to appeal to everyone. Therefore, there is nothing unique. Wal-Mart is roughly the same in Phoenix, Arizona as it is in the Appalachian Mountains of East Kentucky. McDonald's has the same menu in Anchorage as it does in Jacksonville.

White people have become bland, lifeless and vanilla. Don't believe me? Think about these observations:

• The top selling condiment in America is salsa. When we are snacking, we choose Mexican food.
• Taco Bell, again with the Mexican food, is one of the top fast-food chains in America.
• The closest town to where I live (Sturgis, Michigan, population <12,000)>
• For at least 50 years white teens have adopted the music, language and fashion of popular African-American culture. Today Hip Hop rules.

The things that add flavor and color to your community and to our nation are not to be found at Applebee's. No matter how much we protest, we want variety.

Crash into Imus

Yesterday I watched the film Crash again. It was just as powerful this time as it was on first viewing. Crash stars Matt Dillon, Sandra Bullock, Thandie Newton, Brendon Fraser, Don Cheadle and a host of others. The story of Crash is difficult (read impossible) to summarize. So let it suffice to say that Crash is about racism. There are whites, blacks, Hispanics, Arabs, Persians and Asians all acting like bigots, and all being discriminated against. It is a very uncomfortable film for an honest person to watch.

• It is difficult to watch Crash because all to often we hear people saying aloud what we think and keep to ourselves. We see people acting out the bigotry that we secretly harbor in our hearts. We are left scratching our heads. Feeling guilty. Feeling angry. Most of all, we feel like we should do something to atone for our own lapses.
• It is difficult to watch Crash because we see that our own ethnic group is not the only one that nurtures hatred. We are not special. As much as I hate someone else, they also hate me.
• It is difficult to watch Crash because it makes us realize that we are all the same. Yes, we look different. We speak different languages. We have different cultures. But we all share the same fears and insecurities.

And that is what it is all about. We are afraid. We are insecure. I worry that someone else is better than me, smarter than me, prettier, or stronger, or richer than me. I am afraid that I will become less important as you become more important.

Don Imus screwed up the other week. He knows it. We all know it. It wasn't his first screw up, and it won't be his last. In fact, we will all screw up and say the wrong things, believe the wrong things or do the wrong things. Imus just did it in front of millions of critics. He expressed the concerns, the fears, that many (all?) humans have. So the question is, how can we avoid that?

I believe that a relationship with God is the opposite of fear. The Bible teaches that fear does not come from God. That means that it must be anti-God. My fears are not holy. Your fears, Don Imus's fears are not from God. That same passage in the Bible says that God gives love, peace and sanity. Loving, sane, peaceful people are the ones who are able to overcome racism and hatred. And that comes from God. In another place, the Bible says that love casts out fear. There is no room for racism and hatred where the love of God is.

So, reject stereotypes (true or not) that lead to prejudice and bigotry. Do not follow leaders who espouse agendas that serve to advance a particular ethnic or cultural cause. And especially, do not follow 'Christian' leaders, denominations or groups that perpetuate fear and separation.