Maria Full of Loneliness

In 2004 a little movie came to USA theatres and video stores from Colombia. Maria Full of Grace was slated to be submitted for Academy Award consideration that year, but was ultimately rejected because it was not Colombian enough. It was a loss for the Oscars. Maria Full of Grace is almost spiritual and meditative in its treatment of Maria, a teen-ager from a small village in Colombia.

Maria has an awful job with an awful boss. She has a terrible sister whose baby Maria is forced to support. Although we do not learn much about Maria's mother or grandmother, they are not much help to her. Maria's boyfriend is a dead-beat loser with no ambition and no future. Maria's life is one dead-end after another. And that is when Maria finds out that she is pregnant. After an argument with her boss, she quits her job. After a confrontation with her mother and sister, she leaves town.

And that is where Franklin comes in. Franklin has connections in the drug business. He hooks Maria up with Javier a dealer from Bogota. The potential to get out of her small town existence looks too good for Maria to pass up. She agrees to become a "mule," transporting drugs from Colombia to the USA. She swallows 62 pellets filled with drugs and then passes them in New Jersey where she is paid for her work.

There are a lot more details to this story than I have just given. But you can get the idea. There are two themes that immediately spring to my mind.

1. Maria is desperate. She has many strikes against her life. There is no chance that Maria will ever be successful, at least the way most people think of success. There is so much failure and hopelessness around her that she cannot help but think that her future is the same. Maria needs to change her circumstances so that she can change her potential. Although we certainly cannot endorse her choices- no one in this film does, either- we can understand the reasons behind her actions.
2. Maria is lonely. There is no one who cares about her. Her employer is only interested in Maria's production. Her boyfriend is only interested in the physical amusement that she provides. Her sister and mother are only interested in her financial contribution. No one cares about Maria.

There is a lesson here. It is not about drug trafficking and the drug trade. It is not about illegal immigration or civil rights. The lesson is that we should be certain to care about people. Let no one be lonely. It ought to be our mission.

Marty and other lonely people

Who would think that a movie made in 1955 could speak so clearly in 2007? Marty, starring Ernest Borgnine, is a movie about a bachelor in his 30's who still lives with his mother. All of his siblings have married and Marty feels alone, like an outcast. He is successful as a butcher, and even considering a purchase of the shop that he works in. He seems to have friends, but we learn that they are all caught up in an adolescent mind-set that does not allow them to mature emotionally.

Marty is caught between two worlds. On the one hand he is lonely. His mother constantly reminds him that he is the only one of the family is not married. And, in fact, Marty would like to be married. He longs for companionship and a mature relationship. On the other hand, his friends see any relationship that Marty might pursue as a threat to their established order. They do not want to deal with a new member to their group (if Marty gets a relationship), and they do not want to lose Marty (if his new relationship becomes serious).

Marty's other difficulty is that he is very shy. He has a hard time meeting and relating to new people, especially women. That is, until Clara comes along. Clara turns out to be just as plain, lonely and shy as Marty. They are a perfect match. But, the complications with Marty's friends and family do not go away. No one likes Clara. No one wants to lose Marty.

The tension in the movie comes from all the relationship pressures that Marty and Clara have to deal with. And these pressures are significant. They are actually the sort of pressures that you and I deal with quite often. We work hard to make other people happy. And when we make someone else happy, we realize that they do not care if we are happy.

I do not want to give away the movie because I loved it. You should see it right away. But I do want to encourage you in several ways.

• God wants you to be happy. The pressures that you are dealing with need to be secondary to God's plan for your life.
• God made you to be in relationships with other people. Marty had a family. He had friends. And finally, he found his partner.
• It is important to stand strong for truth and right at all times and in all circumstances. The tension that comes in life is secondary to justice.
• Perseverance is one of the most important virtues of life. Never give up.
• Do not lose hope. God has a great idea about where you will end up. Hold on to his promises.

On Loneliness, Airports and Eleanor Rigby

The Beatles made us all a little sad when they sang about Eleanor Rigby. They reminded us that there are a lot of lonely people all around us. I am sure that many people reading this fit into that category. You may not be picking up rice in a church, or the subject of a funeral that no one attended, but you have, or are, experiencing loneliness.

This became very clear to me on Thursday as I was waiting for a flight in the Atlanta airport. I was not surprised to find out that the Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport is the busiest in the world. There were people everywhere. There were people walking, pushing, standing, eating, reading, talking, computing and almost everything else that you can imagine. But here is the interesting part, they were all alone. Thousands of people, alone. Interestingly, there seemed to be no inclination among any of these lonely people to pair up, or form social groups to cure their loneliness. Ahhh, look at all the lonely people.

Here is a thought: Most lonely people, like those in the airport, have chosen loneliness, at least to some degree. In the airport, most travelers know that there loneliness is only for a short time. There is someone waiting on the other end of the flight. There will be reunions, companionship and fellowship with other humans.

Others choose loneliness because a personality trait requires it of them. They are such introverts that meeting new people or spending time with any people becomes painful for them. They fear what others think of them, will say or do to them. Although for most people this seems silly, for the shy among us being alone is better than the anxiety of community.

But there is hope, even for those who choose loneliness. God has an answer for our alone times. He is with us. The Bible promises always that God is there. When we are distracted by the worries of the world, God is there. When we think that no one cares about us, our problems or our loneliness, God is there. When we know that we will be with friends and family eventually, we can be with God. When we choose not to associate with others, we can always know the presence of God.

God is not only out there someplace, he is also right here.

Music is Silence??

So, I might be changing my mind. I love music. My world is filled with music. There is classical, jazz, rock n roll, obscure indie music and old country music. I love blues, instrumental, choral, organ and marching band music. (I might make an exception for accordion music.) Billy Preston wrote a song in the 70's that sums up my philosophy on it perfectly, "Music is My Life."

But we have a problem in the technological, gadget oriented west of the 21st century. We are surrounded by noise. We have radios in our cars to keep us company when we drive. We have radios, stereos, televisions in every room of our homes so that we never have to be alone. Now we put plugs in our ears so that we can hear our music without bothering anyone else. This can be a problem.

Sometimes we fill our lives with noise so that we are not reminded that we are alone. We develop pseudo-communities with tv and music personalities to hide- from ourselves usually- that we are really very lonely. Somehow we equate noise with activity, activity with production and production with value. Therefore, I am of more value if I have or make noise (including music).

Sometimes we fill our lives with noise so that we will not be afraid. When it is too quiet we hear animals, wind noises and building squeaks and groans. Everyone know that monsters only come when you are alone, and lonely, and quiet.

But sometimes, and more dangerously, we fill our lives with noise so that we do not have to listen to God's voice. We do not want to hear what God has to say. We do not want Him messing up our world. As soon as God starts talking, and when I get to listening, things will change. If things change then I will lose my comfort and security, at least for a time.

Here is what I am saying: Be quiet. Let everything around you be quiet. Embrace being alone. Learn to listen to what the world- and more importantly, God- is trying to say to you.

Enjoy your music all the time. But remember that sometimes music is silent, and silence is music.

The Great Discconect

Once again someone has gone nuts and killed a lot of innocent people. Viriginia now joins Colorado, Pennsylvania, Kentucky, Washington and other states as places where unspeakable tragedy has taken place. And although the media does very little to minimize our risks- think about the round the clock attention that these events get for days on end and the disturbing and disturbed celebrity status that is granted to killers- the primary responsibility does not belong there.

In this event, Blacksburg, Virginia, it seems clear that the killer had serious mental health issues. Counseling and institutionalization should have been considered and may have prevented this terrible thing. But the failure of mental health professionals at Virginia Tech is not the primary culprit.

Many have criticized the slow response of campus police and administration in dealing with the shooting in the dormitory. The contention is that quicker action and a campus lock down could have prevented the second shooting in the classroom building. However, university officials cannot be blamed for one individual who would have found a way to do damage no matter what the response.

Others have proposed that guns and gun control are the issue. Some have said that if there were more controls and regulations the shooter would have been denied access to his weapons of choice. Others maintain that if gun laws were looser there would have been other armed people in the classroom building and the killer could have been contained much sooner. But both of these arguments deal with symptoms of a deeper problem.

I believe that killers like this are disconnected. Our culture violates a basic need of humanity. People need to be around people. We are social creatures. We need community. We need conversations and interactions. We need to be needed by other humans and we need other humans. However, our society discourages these relationships.

From infancy we are trained to be independent. We are taught how to take care of ourselves and to solve our own problems. When I can take care of myself, I don't need you. And when I don't need you, I will stay away from you. Eventually, this will lead to distrust of other people. And when I don't trust others to help me, or to know me, I become lonely and disconnected.

We live in the same house on the same street for years without knowing the names of our next door neighbors. We shop in the same stores, are served by the same clerks, and never speak to them on a personal level. I can go to worship with the same congregation for my whole life and never get to know anyone on a personal level. I am disconnected from the rest of the world.

And here is the progression; Independence leads to isolation. Isolation leads to loneliness. Loneliness leads to disconnection. Disconnection leads to catastrophe.

It becomes incumbent on everyone, then, to do something about this disconnection. We should do something for the good of those who are disconnected and for our own safety. Refuse to accept the popular idea that independence is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Refuse to be isolated and to let those around you be isolated. Make connections with as many people as you can. Make meaningful connections that will last beyond today.

And pray for everyone you meet.