Monday, May 10, 2010

A Difficult Thing

I am just muddling through life. I mess up on a regular basis. If I were to keep track of my mistakes, I am sure that I would need counseling. I am not as good as people think I am and I get lost, confused and unhinged regularly.

There are some days that I do nothing right. I hurt people's feelings with my words. I offend others with my actions. There is a whole group of people who I neglect all together. Meanwhile I am in near financial ruin because of poor choices. My family is struggling because of my deficient leadership. I feel hopeless and directionless.

The bottom line: I don't know what I'm doing.

Life is a crap shoot. You give it your best shot and you hope it works. But sometimes it doesn't. My life isn't always bad, or difficult, or confusing, or pointless, but when it is it stinks. That's when I am reminded that no matter how hard I work at it, I don't get it.

So I pray. I pray because I don't know what I'm doing and God might. He might have an idea where I have gone wrong and what I can do to improve things. He might be able to help show me what I need to do, where I need to go.

Ultimately, no matter what, God cannot make my mess any worse than it already is. Even if he doesn't care and can't do anything, praying to him can't hurt.

But, I don't believe that. I think that God is interested. I believe that he is powerful, caring and involved. I think that he knows my situation and can fix me and my problems. Not only that, I believe with all my heart that God knows what he is doing. I'm going to give him my problems. He will know what to do with them.


Tande said...

Don't forget to rely on people to help you through - that's what friends are for! We care and are willing to listen if you need to talk. We will certainly keep you in our prayers.

Pigeon River said...

Tande's right. And Dave & I pray for you on a regular basis. After reading this, perhaps our prayers will change a little. Thanks for being so open here.