Thursday, October 8, 2009

All You Need

I have two confessions to make.
  1. I am a very emotional person.
  2. I do not let people know or see my emotions.
Generally speaking this is not a problem. However, it recently occurred to me that there are probably many people who have no idea what I truly think of them or their relationship with and to me.

Without even knowing it, this first manifest itself when I was in high school. I have always been something of a class clown. I have a smart remark or a joke to make about everything. Part of my humor is to seem completely serious. There have been many times in my life when people had no idea that I was teasing when I said something. I have unintentionally hurt more feelings than I ever care to know.

Today, I work really hard to not be hurtful. I label my teasing as teasing. I try to seem more "funny" as opposed to just saying funny things. I am making progress. But there are very few people that I tell about my love for them.

I think it is only my close family that I tell how much I love them. I say it a lot. Every phone call ends with, "I love you. Goodbye." I greet my family with my love. I speak so that they will never forget. I want there to never be a doubt for them about my love. I do not want to ever think, "I wish I would have said it more." I would much rather say it too much than not enough.

And that brings me to the problem. If other people do not know that I love them, isn't that worse than not loving them at all? It seems like it is almost withholding love. I have this gift for you, but I am not going to tell you about it. You will never know it exists.

I never want to be a person who over-uses love. I do not want my wife to think that she is in the same category with my favorite pizza or my barber. But I think it is time that caution be loosened up a little bit. It is time that I tell people how I really feel. Let the love flow.

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